sooo excited :D

ok so maybe im in the dark ages or something but im on a plane and they gave us free wifi coupons. this happens to be one of the super rare occasion, well the first occasion in fact where i have brought my laptop on a trip! wow so this maybe the coolest thing ever. on second thought, it could be the effect of the red wine loosening me up ;) who can say!

well after realizing that i booked my flight back for the wrong day and nearly missing my connection in atlanta, i am happily on my way to boston to watch a young couple in love be joined in the union of marriage. everytime i would tell someone at work that i was going to a wedding in boston they asked if it was a gay couple, i guess im missing something there. i try to keep the level of scandal up by saying its interracial but we all know thats not as glam as same sex.

speaking of same sex while on this plane the lovely couple across the aisle who happen to be two female rugby players are geting quite "cozy". youd think they were settling in for a nice romantic evening in front of the fire. i mean dont get me wrong i dont care if its 2 vaginas, 2 wangs, or one of each i dont need a show bc if i wanted one i could just look at porn right here on the internet or buy one of those juggs mazagines that they sell in airports (that still baffles me!!!) porn on a plane, no doubt a better movie a thousand times over than snakes on a plane.

nothing is entirely new in my life. i seem to be settling in at work quite well which is nice :) ill keep you posted. hasta luego!

New experiences

So i am blogging from work again and a recent email was sent out that says all employees must now break down their time at the end of the week to alot the amoutn of time spent on each project and send it to the PI and copy our director on it...not sure where to alot this little ditty so ill keep it short...

i was driving to d-town the other weekend and for the first time ever it was to meet a new boy.

it felt strange.

it felt empty.

i rolled down my car windows on 75 to blow the thoughts out of my head...

it didnt work, he was still there.

it was the wrong highway to get to him and for that i was glad.

he is the past....

i left him behind on the 35 interchange.

but my dream on monday told me he still exists, maybe not physically but my mind is holding on somewhere and that needs to end.

how to make it end...


*deeper than i ever need to be but shockingly real.

im baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack

so i know its been forever, so i thought it would be most appropriate to explain my answer to my abscence by blogging from work :). now you understand why i havent blogged in forever!

i recently moved to san antonio, i know i know back home but its for a JOB. Thats right folks you heard me right ive been able to scrounge up one of the most rare things on earth, employment! and not as a hooker! although judging by the size of my thighs recently i think garnering employment of that persuasion would be jsut as difficult.

so i am not going to lie to you and say things have been easy or even delightful btu im trying to look on the brightside of things, heres a quick demonstration.

1.the job is not quite what i wanted but BRIGHTSIDE its pays money
2. i am not exaclty qualified to do it BRIGHTSIDE ill be learning alot
3. i am living with my parents BRIGHTSIDE i can save some dough and get a new car
4. I left my friends behing BRIGHTSIDE i got closer to the crazy cantu clan
5. HE didnt even come to say goodbye to me BRIGHTSIDE fuck him

See how well adjusted and amazing i am???

Well when i got here i was really worried that i would basically fall into my old patterns of life: long distance relationship, poopy job, partying.

Turns out I am committed to not getting into al ong distance relationship (although i am kinda talking to someone in Dallas) , the job is OK not complete fecal matter, and im too old to party.

I miss my friends and i miss independence but it turns out mary and juan are pretty liberal with their 27yo single mother of a cat :) So i only plan on living there for a few months but it could be delayed with all these trips that i am going on...

I am getting to go to Boston, por un boda, to Baltimore to see my fabulous bff, to AZ for christmas with the familia, and to SKI in CO for the spring i mean how amazing is that--there is the matter of the ankle which will hopefully be worked out soon.

Since I havent blogged in sooo long I guess many of you dont know about "the fall heard around the world." Lets just leave it at i rolled my ankle and thus have made myself unmarriagable and inhibited any further exercising leaving my ass to grow to astronomical proportions. I mean i guess morbid obesity is just pure fate for me....lets leave it at that

Ok so these posts are going to become more regular, this is a promise..and not one of those politican promises a real promise like the kinda you make to your kids about santa being real....

I will leave you with some fun stuff about relationships and about amazing aggies are WHOOP!
http://tom-wfbc.itmblog.com/2009/09/23/would-you-like-fries-with-that/
This is pure genius...I mean it means and explains so much and who doesnt love tasty mcdonals fries????
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDNJxodKrZY&NR=1
No words needed on this one kids

Truth be told I am doing just fine, there is room for improvement but when isnt there? I just want to keep moving and making sure that I dont stagnate cuz thats for loooosers.

I hope this finds all of you well and not having abandoned my fab misadventures bc there are sure to be many many more

interesting

my little sister read my blog.

her comment: "your hilarious but really weird"

yes, yes i am

gotta love technology

so today i had my follow up interview for the va hospital job in san antonio. the interviewer was surprised that i lived in fort worth, apparently reading resumes is not part of the interview process. because of the four and half hour drive to have another real interview (id already made the trek once) she suggested an informal skype interview.

i had never used skype before, to say im not tech savvy is an understatment (i mean it took me 2 hrs to book some books on half.com and only was able to do it after some help from a friend--it took her two mins). anyways, i of course dont want her to know i dont know what the hell im doing so i tell i can help her set hers up.

we do a test run the day before the interview and everything went great. so today thinking there is no worries, i set myself up...dressy t-shirt and of course no pants. i mean its stinkin hot in here! so im just in my underpants like any respectable live-alone girl trying to skimp on the electric bill. well boy was that about to backfire!

as the interview started the sound wasnt working so they suggested calling my cell phone and just putting on the office speaker phone. i couldnt hear them so this would help with that and then they would just turn the computer sound down.

here lies the problem....my cell phone was in the bedroom i was in the living room. getting to my cell phone required that i stand and walk out of the room. in. my. underwear. of course, i could turn the laptop or angle it but i knew they were watching so it would look funny....instead i had to slink off to the side.

why am i so ridiculous? wouldnt a normal person just wear some fing pants!?!?!? of course, not ever being accused of being normal or rational i am trying to slink my pantless ass off to the bedroom.

i dont think they saw anything. they didnt say anything. not that i think they would have. she said i should be hearing from HR soon, so thats either

1. good news--a job offer

 or 

2. bad news--a sexual harassment lawsuit.

needless to say either way im on pins and needles...ill keep ya posted

miserable

packing is killing me! i literally am the biggest pack rat ever! i need to hire someone to throw away random stuff without me knowing...its like things i find i havent seen since i moved in here two years ago, instead of thinking damn i havent used this in two years i dont need it. I think awww thats where that was i missed it so much. its malarky!!!

on anothr note i am still jobless and loveless in fort worth so thats always exciting....honestly the jobless is way more disconcerting. i keep saying everything happens for a reason and shit like let go and let god, but really i know what those phrases are. They are just cliches thrown out by ppl in the depths of despair or maybe just as a means to rationalize their bad situation. Either way they dont mean much i just gotta catch myself before i use them too much.

ok this has to be quick i got to get back to packing...

i went on a normal date, but i am sure awkward bad dates are coming soon. sometimes you just have to blame ppl for being normal.....atleast to ruin a good blog

you never know

so one of my biggest fears (aside from the very natural fear of being eaten by a killer whale) has always been my car breaking down in a strange, nothing-deserted, texas town and then being dragged into the woods, by a man very similar looking to the gentleman of texas chainsaw massacre, being torturedn and murder. i mean valid fear right?

well luckily, and i use the term luckily very loosely, my car just broke down in austin near downtown. so instead of an "other person skin-wearing freak" i just have to worry about fighting off the local crackhead, not a bad deal in my opinion. so as i look for someone to help me push my car out of the way i look at my options, none are looking to attractive. there is the man standing outside the pawn shop giving me the "ojo," the gentleman 4 times my body weight in front of his also broken down carpet cleaning van, and two older women filling their car up with gas.  so i come to the conclusion that they are probably all looking at me with the same suspicious that my eye just cast their way, i mean afterall i am wearing a headband with some peacock feathers in it i mean i could be a freak.  so i decide to go with the closest in proximity option, which happens to be the carpet cleaning gentleman. after i ask him he is more than willing to help, but just as he bends down to push i swear to ever-loving jesus that out of nowhere the crackheads come out of the woodwork and begin to descend on us. i mean really i have no idea where they were hiding somewhere in the camouflaged backdrop of the gas station parking lot and surrounding pawn shops. 

the craziest part was that they were nicer than the gainfully employed gas station attendant! i mean that guy was a real dick i had to be down right rude to him. he was so pushy that i eventually told him 

"i hope you dont have any kids in particular daughters because one day someone will treat them the way you just treated me"

he just stared at me like i had sprouted another head, i mean who knows with the fumes i had inhaled outside his station i might have....anyways the lesson was you really cant judge a book by its cover.

crackheads=helpful

gainfully employed gas station attendants=big assholes

:) now i am driving a minivan...on my way to true love probably with someone who thinks i am a soccer mom...hellz yay

the mid-20s question

so as a mid-to-late 20s single girl, you have to wonder "where the hell are all the good guys?" so as i woman naturally i instantly think that men are lacking, i mean its certainly not us...we are just picky. my friend recently told me she overheard a guy talking to his friend, in his opinion unmarried women over the age of 30 must have something wrong with them. so as you can see the debate continues, but i have to wonder who is right?

many people will probably respond that is situation dependent, i mean there are crazy guys and there are crazy girls out there too. so here is my little insight that i just happened upon. 

as women age they become independent. they spend more and more time alone and start to realize that really there isnt anything wrong with that. i think by nature men are far more likely to be "loners" then women, i mean lets be serious we wont even go to the bathroom alone. so as they spend more and more of their single lives alone, they actually begin to like it. you make your own schedule, spend your time as you see fit and things are planned and ruley the way we generally like them.

so when a new guy comes around who is maybe less-than-perfect, we have to wager: giving this independance and assured lifestyle for a different one. i dont think that necessarily makes us less prone to do it, in fact i think we are aching for the companionship...however as the time wears on and the novelty wears off (*remove rose colored glasses) you think is this better than being alone?

sometimes it is...sometimes it isnt. but what isnt there that was there in your early twenties is the assurance that if you throw this one back into the sea, you ARE going to be ok alone, in fact youve done it before and you kinda liked it. settling isnt an option, leave that for your later 30s ;)

this is just a thought feel free to respond...introspection is very interesting

its never what you think it is...

mr fhk and i had close friends who were dating and one in particular comes to mind. this couple, kali and tyson had dated for probably 10 years. they had broken up before and gotten back together broken up again and gotten back together and such is the cycle. intermittently they have dated other people and what not. i recently had lunch with tyson and we were taking about what it takes to get over these people.

i always assumed that those two had managed to stay the best of friends and it boggled my mind. i mean even recently their dogs had mated and had puppies surely telling that one day the same would happen for them. its strange when you look at things on the outside, you just assume you know what is going on. 

tyson let me know that there was no longer any hope of that happening again, in fact, they dont even speak anymore. WOW! i never suspected this...it is over finally over. he was talking about deleting her on myspace and facebook. the dreaded delete! he says he hasnt mainly because he doesnt want their connceted friends to hate him for it.

its weird how you think other peoples relationships are so much simpler than they really are...sometimes you wish you could do whatever procedure they did in eternal sunshine in the spotless mind...would it be worth it to remember none of it (good and bad) and leave you in a virtual time warp?

all i know is he told me that mr fhk's family doesnt like the new divorcee girlfriend, its sick but i get pleasure out of that...to know that some part of me will always remain in their memories. mr fhk's sister even uttered "shes no gaby" does that make it wose or better? not really sure all i know is that i need to let this go and get where tyson post-haste...it took him 6 years of stop and starts to realize this...i dont have that but that doesnt mean its not possible.

the new me.

ran three days in a row

yesterdays alcohol units: a bazillllion 

ugh

my car sucks.

self-explanatory i think, but aleast it always abandons me in the most convenient locations so i cant be too mad at it.

it still sucks.

running

so i have decided that i dont want to be slightly overweight anymore which requires more action than i would prob like. so i have started a walking/running regime. 

its painful.

i dont like not being good at things and i am not good at this...so that is tough. i saw my friend the other day and she has been walking (not running) once a day she looks awesome prob has lost 50 lbs. i dont want to loose 50 lbs, i just want to be fit.

so here it goes consistent running/walking day 1. 

one and a half miles

alcohol units: 0

(lets see how long this lasts)

bad date 1-the adventure of mr. wang

So I went on my first real date since Mr. FHK and by real date I do NOT mean drunken hook-up that happens at the gingerman. This is like a legitimate ask and accept type of deal. (I know I am shocked too!) From now on he will be referred to as Mr. Wang and the reasons will seem abundantly clear in about two seconds.  

The plan was to meet at a bar in the middle of Fort Worth and Dallas, so he picked a place called sherlocks in Arlington. We were jsut hanging out he was def cute and def my type (despite the fact that he didnt have curly hair or a rustic beard ;)). He was really sweet and super interested in my life which is how I feel you can tell the caliber of a person. If someone is just talking talking talking about themselves then its over before it started. 

He is super successful where he works and within the first 20 mins he had already asked me about marriage and kids and if i wanted to go to europe with him. Despite being totally freaked out I figured whats wrong with a guy thats on a time table? I mean isnt this what every girl wants a guy that has it together and has a plan? Well here he was right in front of me cute and single, so whats his deal?

We decide to go to FW to meet one of my friends out who wants to grab a drink, well by the time we get there she is fast asleep so its just the two of us and we keep talking etc. He is getting pretty schnockered so I am a little worried, but he is still the perfect gentleman, opening doors etc. 

At the end of the night, hes asks to come over to hang out for a bit. At this point I dont really think its a good idea, not because I think hes a predator but because I am super tired and my parents are coming the next day. I say yes because I knwo hes harmless and to be honest I think he coudl prob use the time to sober up (plus making out is super cool).

Well things are going well and the make out is cool and then he looks over and says "so you want to see it?" I was like what the! So i ask "are you asking me if i want to see your wang?" He seems rather distrubed that I would call it a wang, but I mean come on you just offfered to show it to me. He then proceeds to go on about its various merits and he even attempts to give me a few references to confirm its "greatness." Luckily for me that day I had my moral fiber in tact and really didnt want to see it despite my new curiosity. I tell him that I cant wait to tell all my gfs about it cuz its pretty much like a sex and the city episode. This seems to offend him so he proceeds to rant about how he is Aidan, not "that guy" from Sex and the city. He keeps telling me he will make me furniture and he has a dog like Aidan, I mean I am laughing so hard its lucky I didnt pee myself.

Lets just say i am curious about this guy and if this is mr. wangs ploy well its a pretty good one. Here I am blogging about it and telling all my gf about it. Everyone is telling me to stay away from him and some people are encouraging me to see him again...what would carrie do? if hes aidan I am all over him, but aidan with flasher tendencies not too sure.

eye opener

It has been awhile since my last post. I guess in that time I have graduated with my masters and am in the process of "job hunting" its more like papering several cities with my mediocre resume and hoping it strikes someone's fancy. 

When I started this blog I said that I would make it the light hearted version of my life and maybe that is part of the reason I havent posted as often as i should. Things have been pretty difficult these last few months, sometimes it really does feel like you vs. the world. Disappointment has definitely been part of my stay here, but I can hardly complain, my life is good "on paper."

Just yesteday I made a "rookie" mistake. I have been dying to see my old college friends, its not often in these two years that I have gotten to hang out with them despite their close-ish proximity. Its really tough because I always feel like I should be the one driving to Dallas since they live relatively close to eachother. Anyways, I orchestrated a dinner last night in an attemp to reconnect, something I like to do with my new found time. 

This would be the first time in almost a year that I would see Mr. FHK or as my friend would call him "the love of my youth." In a year and I half I have spent 0 time working to get over him, mostly I create what-if situations to make things right again and bring us back together. Just like a girl I have failed to realize that in this past year and a half we have been broken up he has not attempted to call or meet me, it has all been me. 

Everything is like it should be, we are having a great time making up ridiculous stories and just being fun. At the end of the night it was just me and him and I knew then that it would never be that way again, he was in love with someone else. I cant be angry or hurt or anything, I just need to accept it. These next few weeks will probably be the hardest I have ever had to face alone and truly alone without the fantasy of a future with him that doesnt exist. 

So today is day 1 of the eyes open single life of me *wearing her broken heart on her sleeve. 

(I promise this is the last downer post...i hate them too)

27?

omg i am going to be 27 in a week wow! i remember when i met a 27yo i was 22 and he use to remark on how cool it was to hang out with young 22/23yos...man those were the days.

we use to get in so much trouble. movies during lunch, margaritas at lunch, emily morgan hotel grey goose martinis :) man oh man 

i miss him...now ill be 27 where are all those 23 yo fools to get me in trouble? oh thats right i get in enough trouble on my own, i suppose that is something that will never change

what to do

i had another dream about him. 

this is weird because the dreams are so close to reality.

its like i know all the things that are true in real life, hes moved on, he has a gf (shes often present-super creepy i know) but for some reason i cant let go.

between that and the rustling in the dog kennels on the other side of the bathroom door i am exhausted and like a zombie.

maybe its because he hasnt returned my calls, maybe its because its too real, maybe its because the fight is over.

maybe its because its the end...

yes i am a cat person

i am dog sitting. what i have discovered so far about the other most popular domestic animal:

dogs are needy.

they follow you everywhere.

they constantly want to be petted.

they have wet beards after they drink water.

they lick your feet-this is not appealing.

i am a cat person. i love that my cat:

comes for attention minimally cuz he has to bathe after i pet him.

can think on his own and has a strict schedule instead of relying on me.

will settle for sitting near you he doesnt have to be petted.

his beard is never wet.

hes impeccably groomed.

doesnt require me to come home to allow him to defecate or urinate.

doesnt make awful growling noises when playing.

there is no nasty panting breath.

he doesnt poo on the floor.

so after one day of pet sitting i can see the disdain with which my cat looks at dogs. one pooped in the corner. i looked at him only to see him look at me with the "wtf you let those animals in here" he constantly watches them playing like they are some sort of barbarians esp if they are making those fake growling noises. at one point one dog approached him, instead of putting up a fuss he just lifted one paw as a warning and used his mind control to deter them. 

he doesnt hide or climb high on anything he just looks at them square in the eye like "i fucking dare you" i think he has a hard time deciding if they are dogs. he knows they arent cats, like i said the barbaric behavior. the only dog he knows is a 70 lbs weimaraners and these arent weimaraners.

it should be an interesting week, but i already know im not in anyway ready for a dog (way tooooo selfish) i like my cat just fine :)

there is also an epic staring contest going on....

fml???

what a day its been! 

first let me say that in general if something unfortunate is going to happen, it will likely happen to me. i have numerous examples of this and they can be provided upon request. the latest blunder involves my thesis. 

to begin with lets just say i got started a little later than most as far as topic picking and proposal defending, but anyone who knows me knows that i pride my self on last minute triumps. despite the ridiculous amounts of stress i put myself under, i usually do ok. 

the beginning of feburary i finally get my dataset in after successfully defending my proposal to a less-than enthusiastic committee. (heres an example of my bad luck: the day of my defense I get there early and mj--my committee chair--gives me her key to open the conference room door, where ill be giving my presentation. when i go to open it the lock wont turn. feeling like an idiot i sheepishly stand waiting for someone else to come along. lets just say 5 different ppl try their "master" keys to no avail. finally the maintenance guy proclaims that in all his yrs here he has never seen anything like this. they are going to have to call a locksmith....finally through some act of god, after i promise him my soul and anything else he wants, the door magically opens. i started 30 mins late because of it but oh well)

so after getting my dataset im super excited about starting. i start but the variables wont import--my sas knowledge isnt fab but i know enough to get variables in. well turns out its a prob with the dataset. of all the fing cd's i get the one thats fucked up. it takes them forever to get back to me and now i discovered even more problems. they said they can have the corrected version ready in two weeks. in two weeks i was planning to have the whole thing written and defended. so now i will have 2 days for analysis and 10 days to write the thing then get a draft to my committee. they will have 3 days to get it back to me and i have 2 days to make the corrections and create the presentation that will decide if i graduate or not. 

FML.

if you dont know what that means i divert you here : fmylife.com (this is my moms new favorite site)

the rules

so a wonderful friend found a book entitled "the rules."  if you havent heard of it (then you are probably married happily or dont need tips on your game) anyways its basically a set of rules for girls to follow in order to snare a man and keep him devoted. 

i know i know before you start burning your bra and telling yourself that you are liberating (which is puro mamadas-as my dad would say) just remember who we still expect to be saved first from a burning building or a sinking ship...thats right if you dont say women and children then you are a chauvinist who is likely going to be beaten to death with handbags or set aflame by one of those burning bras.

anyways i digress, back to the  purpose of this blog. my fabulous friend and i decided to grab a quick nightcap after watching confessions of a shopaholic since my copy of the rules had just arrived we decided to bring it into the bar with us. you can tell our game needs work if on  a friday night you and your gf are bringing a book into a bar (atleast it wasnt from the library--rented books in bars are way worse than ones you own or in this case were gifted).

again i digress....as we approached we noticed that everything was pretty full. there happened to be the open loveseat in the back of gman (our fave spot) so we kindly as the individuals sitting on the couch if they would mind if we sat there. there were 3 girls and one guy sitting around and on the other couch. they agree and so we sat down and started talking when all of a sudden you hear in a shout

"IS THAT THE RULES?" no bitch its the bible...yes its the rules obviously you can fucking read the cover to a book. she then says "that shit doesnt work" why thank you hoochie for your unsolicited opinion and by by nice ridiculous hat you are wearing. of course i was in a sweatshirt but i feel free to judge everyone around me at all times. someone bestowed with gods grace such as myself is entitled to this of course.

my fab friend kindly says yes and this woman begins a tirade about how stupid that shit is you wont get a man like that (of course she was married but her left ring finger was sans a wedding band)--i took her word, maybe in her bitchy abrasive hat wearing culture they show they are married by just being a heinous bitch not the traditional left ring finger trick the rest of us pull.

anyways she continues to verbally berate our choice in literature when her obviously very older and severely intoxicated friend saunters over to or love-seat is and asks "can i sit here?" of course i interpret that as the chair beside the love-seat certainly she couldn't be asking to sit next to me on the other side. 

she commences to sit down and as she does the faux leather couch lets out that squeal it does when flesh is sliding against it. to me, the individuals on the receiving end of a rather large ass on her thigh, the sound is blood-curdling. needless to say my fab friend was kind enough to promptly remove herself to the chair so as to cease my contact with her ass. her opening line "so where do you go to school" followed by "whats your major" "where you from"

i wanted to look over to her friend and say "FUCK YOU THE RULES DO WORK" but unfortunately as i am not a lesbian nor am i exploring my sexuality in that way i feel as though perhaps that would not be appropriate. just know that if your a bar with the rules you could get sat on by a lesbian....

cultist?

so i decided today to take a good friends advice and start doing some stuff for myself, harness my chi if you will. after talking with lady K (who is the most knowledgeable person I know about whats out there on the internet) who pointed me in the direction of podcast yoga. its free! so i downloaded the beginner addition just to see what it was all about.

baby a gave me a yoga mat about 6 months ago so i even have the supplies. i pull it out and begin the session. hes talking about peaceful thoughts, etc, yadda yadda i am like can we get to the poses alredy?!?! perhaps i am a little high strung and need more yoga in my life...who knows. i look up and see my cat looking at me like im the strangest shit hes ever seen. 

his inner monologue: "wtf...that pink mat has been sitting under that table for over 6 months now this B wants to take up all the living room space flaunting her big ass...seriously i liked it where it was, it was fun to play with those strings. now i gotta watch your ass nearly fall over on me all while i attempt to throw off your concentration. damn this game is more fun than watching you walk around and pick up the ball you throw for me to play with. look B i know its you who is throwing that ball with the bell in it....i can SEE you (this is totally not the same kind of seeing you do when i am hiding behind a shoe or around a corner in an attempt to sneak up on said ball--totally different) i think ill change your sleep number tonight in an attempt to get even"

needless to say i felt completely out of place..at one point he says "check your ego at the door...do only what you can do" yes stretch armstrong i cant put my leg over my neck...but one day i will...

oh the night

baby a and i went to the movies tonight in arlington, first of all they dont have student discounts only on thursday so the movie was $10, ridic! this is arlington not NYC!

anyways on our way in apparently there is an ice rink there and these hot dudes (ok i dont know if they are really hot they were wearing hockey masks but still we'll just say hot) were playing hockey. baby a and i of course stop to ogle them in the most dignified fashion, while concurrently a couple of probably about  17 years old were walking in at the same time. well i guess this girl was so dignified in her ogling....all we heard was a loud noise. we turn to look and she had walked right into a standing sign!!! it was absurd, it knocked the glasses right off her face. 

of course you know me i have no volume control or self-control for that matter and am just laughing my ass off. to add insult to injury we had to share an elevator with them up to the movie ground level. the whole time in the elevator i just cant control my laughing i am literally crying. baby a is pretending she doesnt know me and at this point im trying to not suffocate myself. then i hear the boyfriend ask her (we'll call her hoops cuz she had a fab pair of huge gold ones on) "what were you looking at?" she looks sheepish and answers "my bangs" simultaneously baby a blurts out "the hockey players"....needless to say they both looked at us and at that point both baby a and my still-uncontrollably-laughing-ass exit the elevator. what a night!

p.s. when i left my apt there was a wasp trapped btw the screen and the glass of one of my windows. when i got back from the movie he was gone....i sure hope i dont encounter him like i did that tack! yozaw!

comfortable

i cant stop listening to this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YX5ZAF21IDc

i am a bit of an emotional cutter, "i see the smile thats shes faking in pictures nobodys taking...shes perfect shes so flawless im not impressed...i want you back"

sickening.

john mayer i hope a bird poops on you and that he had cheese fries before he decided to fly.

dirty runny bird poo seems appropriate punishment

FUPA too good!

so an amazing friend has found this perfect little link:

http://fupahunter.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2007-06-18T12%3A42%3A00-07%3A00

its rather obscene and amazing! why are the majority of them hispanic...super scary for me!

sanity II

i forgot to mention that my first attempt to put the poster board up was with thumb tacks. i lost one. it found me this morning...not very happy about that

:(

p.s. a woman in my department finished her neuroscience PhD after a little over 5 years, i have never been more happy that that's not me :)

sanity

so i bought 2 blue poster boards to nail over that half circle on top of the window in my bedroom. i already had a blanket up there but it fell down this past fall and of course i never got around to putting something else up. to describe why i go through all this trouble would probably take to long, but let me just observe that my very sanity is on the line here...i cant sleep past 6am!!! atleast not well so here was my chance to finally fight the sun (yes i imagine him just like the raisin bran sun--marketing works very well on me)

nof course when im on the step stool i realize that i actually need like 2 and one fourth poster boards to do this properly. well its a good thing im mexican and as my dad would say i made a "mexican connection." this is essentially what he says when he tries to justify doing somethign outrageosuly ghetto and maybe even illegal.

anyway i nailed them up and then cut the spare parts to be taped in the appropriate places as to cover the whole window. now i will get to sleep peacefully but this almost assures that i will be sleeping alone! lol who wants to nap/spend the night in the ghetto bedroom...oh well! 

sanity returned-->mexican connections do work :)

women!!!

first of all i should start by saying that i feel like alot of my posts will be titled this...my family was in town this weekend as you may know. so that means there were 5 girls here at my apt. that means ALOT of toilet paper was used. I mean I had a new pack and now its ALLLLLLLLL gone! 

everyone marvels at how my parents were able to send 5 girls to private school the real marvel is how the hell they kept toilet paper in the house and food on the table!!!

random note: i hate when ppl who ARENT disabled use the damn motorized shopping carts! i remember one time we were at target and apparently one of those ppl in the scooters were backing up. of course I had no idea what the hell was going on all i knew was that there was aloud beeping noise that was bothering the hell out of me. so i exclaimed "can someone shut the thing up" i look to my left and there was the oldest woman imaginable in one of those damn scooters backing up. you'd think she was driving a crane or something with the noise that thing emitted. this is one of the only times i think my mother has ever been TRULY embarrassing of me...she looked at me like i was an alien and dropped the toothpaste she was looking at and scurried to the next aisle. thats right kids mary rolled on me right there in the middle of target....and that is another reason i hate motorized shopping carts

FUPA

so i am from san antonio. if you are from anywhere in south texas you likely know what a fupa is, however i have friend lady fab who is not from texas. so one day day when we were out i dropped the term fupa in her ear as a larger woman happened by. something along the lines of "man look at the fupa!!!" being from california she promplty asked "what the h is a fupa?"

fupa=fat upper pee area also fondly referred to in my family as a "front butt" its very sad indeed...along with loosing my teeth and hair getting a fupa comes in a close second...
YIKES! if the fupa starts developing please tie me in your basement without food until it subsides...

phone drama lama

ok so if you know me you know that sometimes i dont answer my phone. sometimes its on purpose sometimes its not, i like to keep ppl guessing. no no the truth is that i hate talking on the phone. well much to my dismay now i dont even have the option to answer my phone. the vibration has suddenly stopped working! i mean really i never put the actual ringer on but you got to take the most discrete ring you got? i havent used an actual ringtone in probably 2 years, mostly because when my old phone would ring with the "we're going streaking" ringer i use to have...clare would always scream "get new ringers!" now im terrified that some stranger will scream that at me.....

my only recourse now is to check my phone every few hrs to see if i have any msgs and wait for the "you have absolutely no messages or phone calls" message to appear. good thing i always have dr.crazy who calls me atleast once a day she keeps that sad msg from showing up.

anyway i also have a small confession to make...mr.w i still watch netflex "the office" epidsodes :) thanks for being awesome like that...

sad truth

my family was in town this weekend. i went out with my sisters it was awesome. we were talking to this guy that i have known probably for about 6 months hes super cute and fun and just a general nice guy. he walks away to talk to his friends for a bit when my sisters turn to me and say "you need to hit that." 

nice...they then continue to go on and on about how is it that i know the only hot guy in the bar but am not doing anything about it. lol. they go on to tell me that they thought when i said i had no game that it was a joke but obviously not. lol. 

what can i say i dont lie, i am game-less! oh well...clare was like man i always thought it was crazy that you have so many guy friends and none of them every tried anything. (by the way thanks for saying that outloud) lol...no its totally true. i have guy friends, yes guy friends that dont want to sleep with me. i love it when my friends say that a guy is their "friend." at which point i have to point out that they are not their friend, they are looking at them like tom use to look at jerry...you know what i mean.

a little bit later dee turns to me and asks "so is there anyone you like?" It took me a minute to really think about it, is there someone that i like? yea i think there is, but it would never work out. he is the last thing i need, a fixer-up. i answered "no" the last thing i need is to explain how i the only person i want to date is the last person i should or even could date.

i know you all have your fair guesses as to who it is, but i will leave you with that mystery

vote

lets put this to a vote...

downtown fort worth the flying saucer if you are on the patio outside there is a man that manages the parking lot down below pls vote do you think one of these two things explains his limp and overall burly demeanor:

1. he has a fake leg

2. he has uneven leg length and therefore has to wear a lifted shoe

personally i think its 1, he probably use to set bear traps for a living and one day his leg got caught. he probably lived in alaska or some-such location and moved down here because its easier to move around on asphalt and grass with a fake leg rather than the snow...think about it, it all makes perfect sense...

family curse

so in my mind my family has this strange "curse"...its hard to describe maybe it stems from my parents teaching us that the key to happiness is keeping other people happy and that is BULLSHIT! this is actually the key to frustration and certain failure :) thank goodness i figured this out at 26 otherwise it could have been a rough life...well kinda figured it out im still trying to master "no"

so heres the "curse": if you date a member of my family for longer than 5 years your relationship is doomed.

1. oldest sister dates a guy for 5 years...breaks up...goes to law school...happily married to the next guy she dates

2. older sister dates a guy for 6 years...moves for him...engaged...broken up...happily married to the next guy she dates

3. me...dates a guy for 7 years...moves for him...breaks up...still single (well maybe mines coming)

4. my younger sister...dates a guy for 5 years...kinda moves in with him...engaged....broken up...happy with the next one? (this ones kinda new we will have to see)

5. well the youngest just breaks the mold :)

maybe its not a curse, maybe its a pattern of girls whos greatest love example was their parents who were not ever really in love. we watched our mom read romance novels to fill the void and when ask about her dating history gets a diversion. we all get there somehow, it shouldnt really be called a "curse"b/c so far everyone has ended up with their true love happier than ever.

it aint a curse its my over -active imagination...well good thing i have the hubcap to fall back on :)

i am blogging like crazy...

errant thought pantsless in living room feels like heaven...is this what my cat feels like all the time?

no wonder he is so relaxed!

hubcap exchange

so for those of you that dont know i only have 3 hubcaps...it appears that in my rush to get somewhere, god knows where, i lost one.

so everytime i say a stray i stop to see if somehow the world has aligned and some in-a-rush fool with my same hubcap has happened to lose his. this makes for some entertainment for passersby. i pull over, stop my car, get out, check the hubcap, make a "shucks" gesture more like "oh shit" get back in the car and take my ass down the road. this has been going on for about 6 months.

so my new idea is to take the ford, kia, whatever hubcap and post it on craiglist. maybe in some crazy way a blogger with a toyota hubcap is thinking of doing the same. we will meet exchange hubcaps, fall in love, make babies, retire and travel to europe where we will eat cheese and drink wine till we finally kick it....

i think im on to something here

went to church today, mainly to tell my mom that yes i did go to church.

the truth is i havent been in confession since well lets just say 8th grade, the last time it was required by the school i attended. i am frightened now that if i go the priest will shame me and then make me say prayers for the next 3 yrs or perhaps build a soup kitchen with my barehands...why are catholics so good at fear.

for what its worth i was kind enough to allow a woman with a child who appears to be suffering from restless leg syndrome sit next to me. this means that i got kick in the shin twice and stared at through pretty much the whole mass...i mean dont get me wrong i know better than anyone that ppl at church ARE judging you but really you got to start them before they can multiply? really give me and my asymmetrical haircut a break...

so now im announcing to the world that i am catholic, so i drink too much and judge and gossip like your grandma, its official, its on my forehead...

tommys

so tommy's is a hamburger "joint" down where i live, apparently they serve up greasy burgers, amazing tater tots, free drinks to students and love life advice.

dont get me wrong I certianly appreciate the fact that an almost 50yo waitress would take the time to counsel me and my girlfriends on how to get a guy and keep a guy. i mean she did after all recognize that she needed to dump the guy that forcibly made her flash her boobs at mardi gras and realized that the guy shes with now has changed and wont cheat on her like he did his ex-wife. 

but as my friend told me oracles come in the strangest places...this is strange enough for me to believe that statment..so this afternoon's tasty advice

-some girls like bad boys, you cant change that...

so lady K 

here is your bad bad boy, spank him pls

observations

so i figure that alot of ppl blog. 

i dont know how to do it precisely but i imagine it cant be that hard so here it goes.

my first blog....

so ive learned something remarkable this year and to be honest i feel like its gold to realize this. there are alot of ppl in their mid-20s with no dating experience. i am of course amongst them, but more importantly im not alone. so as it seems t

hrough break-ups, death, divorce or whatever the reason is there are a whole group of "adults" that are less experienced than your average high schooler on how to act around ppl of the opposite sex.

this makes for great bar observation as myself, my girlfriends, and random others judge everyone based solely on there looks as to whether or not they could potentially fill the next 50-60 yrs of our lives with joy...very scientific and mathe

mat

ical process you see and as a scientist i totally advocate it.

their designer jeans tell you that certainly they could support you financially for that long and that they are able to dress themselves speaks highly for the mental state. the wedding band oh the wedding band sometimes you are hard to see--i think married men should wear a bag over their head much easier to pick out and makes for a less awkward-yoga like stance trying to sneak a peek at the right angle to see if it exists. their friends they are laughing with indicates they must have some sort of personality and then of course i

n my opinion the most important criteria...what they are drin

king...

as a certified alcoholic you must know that i judge everyone on what they are drinking, wine, fruity, on the rocks, coors light (yuck) its just what i do...and the dreaded "non-drinker" or as i affectionately refer to them...the historian. yes yes yes i know you didnt drink last night and i certainly was hoping to have your recount all the ridic things i said and did with the picture slideshow via your digital camera, how to say this politely "screw you" perhaps "f-off" is more suited...either way if your the historian your immediately out, noone likes the historian unless you ARE the historian.

well with all these great judgey tid-bits i know you are all shocked to hear im still single! well fab so this is my life presented via blog...

so without further adieu i introduce my blog...or should i say the great misadventures of my life in pursuit of love, success, a new friend for my cat...all presented via the fabulous internet 

and now i must jet to fight my cat off from drinking from my water glass...bastard