whats my problem

so back in the day, and by that i mean just last may (2009) i was totally jazzed and ready to move off to some foreign land in another state or country or anywhere that i could get a job. not only was i ready to move i was thrilled to do it.

fast forward 8 months and im sitting on the cusp of possibly that. although i am currently employed in what i would consider an "ok" job, earning what i would consider a "decent" salary, i have still been papering the country-side with applications. i have recently had a few interviews and one which i have scheduled for jan 22 in nyc.

so im here in sa thinking, why havent i booked my flight? whats wrong with me that now afterall the talk and the gaunlet ive thrown down i dont want to go? ill admit im scared. it would be starting over again. i am 27, not old by any standard (atleast i hope) but old enough to know that by now i want a savings account, i want a house, i want a circle of close friends, i want a family one day. starting over in a new city certainly doesnt proclude that by any means but it just seems like nyc was what i was using to run away. it was running away trying to forget things and one particular person that remained back in texas. i could start fresh, reinvent, find myself in a new way.

in these past 8months since graduation, i think have reinvented, i think i have challenged and found myself, i think i have left that person in the past. is this why nyc doesnt hold the same appeal? i no longer have the rose colored glasses that i once held and now see it as inpractical decision, especially financially.

the benefit to moving there would be obviously to work at a health department, somethign i think would be great for my career. there aint no health department like a manhattan one :) but i know next to noone there, some friends from college i havnet spoken to in years and dont even feel comfortable enough to call up for a room to spend the night. in texas i have friends, friends i would do anything for and who would likely do the same for me. i have the prospect of love, although entirely premature and not the reason i would stay, it is a consideration....

i thought blogging would help clear my head and to be honest it helps. it seems ive self-sabotaged bc flight prices keep goign up which only furthers my rationale against it...something is holding me back. i dont want to be a coward and not go just bc i know noone there because i think i could make a life for myself anywhere, im just weary of what i leave behind....

please feel free to comment and let me knwo what you think, thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

sooo excited :D

ok so maybe im in the dark ages or something but im on a plane and they gave us free wifi coupons. this happens to be one of the super rare occasion, well the first occasion in fact where i have brought my laptop on a trip! wow so this maybe the coolest thing ever. on second thought, it could be the effect of the red wine loosening me up ;) who can say!

well after realizing that i booked my flight back for the wrong day and nearly missing my connection in atlanta, i am happily on my way to boston to watch a young couple in love be joined in the union of marriage. everytime i would tell someone at work that i was going to a wedding in boston they asked if it was a gay couple, i guess im missing something there. i try to keep the level of scandal up by saying its interracial but we all know thats not as glam as same sex.

speaking of same sex while on this plane the lovely couple across the aisle who happen to be two female rugby players are geting quite "cozy". youd think they were settling in for a nice romantic evening in front of the fire. i mean dont get me wrong i dont care if its 2 vaginas, 2 wangs, or one of each i dont need a show bc if i wanted one i could just look at porn right here on the internet or buy one of those juggs mazagines that they sell in airports (that still baffles me!!!) porn on a plane, no doubt a better movie a thousand times over than snakes on a plane.

nothing is entirely new in my life. i seem to be settling in at work quite well which is nice :) ill keep you posted. hasta luego!

New experiences

So i am blogging from work again and a recent email was sent out that says all employees must now break down their time at the end of the week to alot the amoutn of time spent on each project and send it to the PI and copy our director on it...not sure where to alot this little ditty so ill keep it short...

i was driving to d-town the other weekend and for the first time ever it was to meet a new boy.

it felt strange.

it felt empty.

i rolled down my car windows on 75 to blow the thoughts out of my head...

it didnt work, he was still there.

it was the wrong highway to get to him and for that i was glad.

he is the past....

i left him behind on the 35 interchange.

but my dream on monday told me he still exists, maybe not physically but my mind is holding on somewhere and that needs to end.

how to make it end...


*deeper than i ever need to be but shockingly real.

im baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack

so i know its been forever, so i thought it would be most appropriate to explain my answer to my abscence by blogging from work :). now you understand why i havent blogged in forever!

i recently moved to san antonio, i know i know back home but its for a JOB. Thats right folks you heard me right ive been able to scrounge up one of the most rare things on earth, employment! and not as a hooker! although judging by the size of my thighs recently i think garnering employment of that persuasion would be jsut as difficult.

so i am not going to lie to you and say things have been easy or even delightful btu im trying to look on the brightside of things, heres a quick demonstration.

1.the job is not quite what i wanted but BRIGHTSIDE its pays money
2. i am not exaclty qualified to do it BRIGHTSIDE ill be learning alot
3. i am living with my parents BRIGHTSIDE i can save some dough and get a new car
4. I left my friends behing BRIGHTSIDE i got closer to the crazy cantu clan
5. HE didnt even come to say goodbye to me BRIGHTSIDE fuck him

See how well adjusted and amazing i am???

Well when i got here i was really worried that i would basically fall into my old patterns of life: long distance relationship, poopy job, partying.

Turns out I am committed to not getting into al ong distance relationship (although i am kinda talking to someone in Dallas) , the job is OK not complete fecal matter, and im too old to party.

I miss my friends and i miss independence but it turns out mary and juan are pretty liberal with their 27yo single mother of a cat :) So i only plan on living there for a few months but it could be delayed with all these trips that i am going on...

I am getting to go to Boston, por un boda, to Baltimore to see my fabulous bff, to AZ for christmas with the familia, and to SKI in CO for the spring i mean how amazing is that--there is the matter of the ankle which will hopefully be worked out soon.

Since I havent blogged in sooo long I guess many of you dont know about "the fall heard around the world." Lets just leave it at i rolled my ankle and thus have made myself unmarriagable and inhibited any further exercising leaving my ass to grow to astronomical proportions. I mean i guess morbid obesity is just pure fate for me....lets leave it at that

Ok so these posts are going to become more regular, this is a promise..and not one of those politican promises a real promise like the kinda you make to your kids about santa being real....

I will leave you with some fun stuff about relationships and about amazing aggies are WHOOP!
http://tom-wfbc.itmblog.com/2009/09/23/would-you-like-fries-with-that/
This is pure genius...I mean it means and explains so much and who doesnt love tasty mcdonals fries????
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDNJxodKrZY&NR=1
No words needed on this one kids

Truth be told I am doing just fine, there is room for improvement but when isnt there? I just want to keep moving and making sure that I dont stagnate cuz thats for loooosers.

I hope this finds all of you well and not having abandoned my fab misadventures bc there are sure to be many many more

interesting

my little sister read my blog.

her comment: "your hilarious but really weird"

yes, yes i am

gotta love technology

so today i had my follow up interview for the va hospital job in san antonio. the interviewer was surprised that i lived in fort worth, apparently reading resumes is not part of the interview process. because of the four and half hour drive to have another real interview (id already made the trek once) she suggested an informal skype interview.

i had never used skype before, to say im not tech savvy is an understatment (i mean it took me 2 hrs to book some books on half.com and only was able to do it after some help from a friend--it took her two mins). anyways, i of course dont want her to know i dont know what the hell im doing so i tell i can help her set hers up.

we do a test run the day before the interview and everything went great. so today thinking there is no worries, i set myself up...dressy t-shirt and of course no pants. i mean its stinkin hot in here! so im just in my underpants like any respectable live-alone girl trying to skimp on the electric bill. well boy was that about to backfire!

as the interview started the sound wasnt working so they suggested calling my cell phone and just putting on the office speaker phone. i couldnt hear them so this would help with that and then they would just turn the computer sound down.

here lies the problem....my cell phone was in the bedroom i was in the living room. getting to my cell phone required that i stand and walk out of the room. in. my. underwear. of course, i could turn the laptop or angle it but i knew they were watching so it would look funny....instead i had to slink off to the side.

why am i so ridiculous? wouldnt a normal person just wear some fing pants!?!?!? of course, not ever being accused of being normal or rational i am trying to slink my pantless ass off to the bedroom.

i dont think they saw anything. they didnt say anything. not that i think they would have. she said i should be hearing from HR soon, so thats either

1. good news--a job offer

 or 

2. bad news--a sexual harassment lawsuit.

needless to say either way im on pins and needles...ill keep ya posted

miserable

packing is killing me! i literally am the biggest pack rat ever! i need to hire someone to throw away random stuff without me knowing...its like things i find i havent seen since i moved in here two years ago, instead of thinking damn i havent used this in two years i dont need it. I think awww thats where that was i missed it so much. its malarky!!!

on anothr note i am still jobless and loveless in fort worth so thats always exciting....honestly the jobless is way more disconcerting. i keep saying everything happens for a reason and shit like let go and let god, but really i know what those phrases are. They are just cliches thrown out by ppl in the depths of despair or maybe just as a means to rationalize their bad situation. Either way they dont mean much i just gotta catch myself before i use them too much.

ok this has to be quick i got to get back to packing...