so back in the day, and by that i mean just last may (2009) i was totally jazzed and ready to move off to some foreign land in another state or country or anywhere that i could get a job. not only was i ready to move i was thrilled to do it.
fast forward 8 months and im sitting on the cusp of possibly that. although i am currently employed in what i would consider an "ok" job, earning what i would consider a "decent" salary, i have still been papering the country-side with applications. i have recently had a few interviews and one which i have scheduled for jan 22 in nyc.
so im here in sa thinking, why havent i booked my flight? whats wrong with me that now afterall the talk and the gaunlet ive thrown down i dont want to go? ill admit im scared. it would be starting over again. i am 27, not old by any standard (atleast i hope) but old enough to know that by now i want a savings account, i want a house, i want a circle of close friends, i want a family one day. starting over in a new city certainly doesnt proclude that by any means but it just seems like nyc was what i was using to run away. it was running away trying to forget things and one particular person that remained back in texas. i could start fresh, reinvent, find myself in a new way.
in these past 8months since graduation, i think have reinvented, i think i have challenged and found myself, i think i have left that person in the past. is this why nyc doesnt hold the same appeal? i no longer have the rose colored glasses that i once held and now see it as inpractical decision, especially financially.
the benefit to moving there would be obviously to work at a health department, somethign i think would be great for my career. there aint no health department like a manhattan one :) but i know next to noone there, some friends from college i havnet spoken to in years and dont even feel comfortable enough to call up for a room to spend the night. in texas i have friends, friends i would do anything for and who would likely do the same for me. i have the prospect of love, although entirely premature and not the reason i would stay, it is a consideration....
i thought blogging would help clear my head and to be honest it helps. it seems ive self-sabotaged bc flight prices keep goign up which only furthers my rationale against it...something is holding me back. i dont want to be a coward and not go just bc i know noone there because i think i could make a life for myself anywhere, im just weary of what i leave behind....
please feel free to comment and let me knwo what you think, thanks for letting me get this off my chest.
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F'g book your flight!Opportunities only knock on your door a few times and the rest you'll have to bang down( which is a lot more work). This is an open invitation to a wonderful opportunity. NYC is THE PLACE to be when you are young, "single" and without attachments( kids,a mortgage). Look, I left CA for TX. Do you know how scary that was?I thought everyone was a gun toting repub in 10 gallon hats. I was sooo wrong! I met amazing people, got an opportunity to continue my education, meet my significant other and partied like it was 1999! Don't be afraid to leave. Your friends will always be your friends and so will your family.You are not leaving people behind you are gaining a new chapter in life!What could be more exciting than that? The best part is that you can always move back and you have the rest of your life to be in debt to a bank and "own a home". You have a wonderful prospect of love in TX but you'd never let a guy stop you from your dreams and if he's really "the one" and can't live with out you then he'll wise up and find a way to NYC.
ReplyDeleteDon't ever be afraid to try. It's way worse wondering "what if?". So BOOK your flight, give it your best and show those Yankees that TX isn't a bunch of gun toting, repubs in 10 gallon hats! :) And if you move there I'll have a place to stay. :)