eye opener

It has been awhile since my last post. I guess in that time I have graduated with my masters and am in the process of "job hunting" its more like papering several cities with my mediocre resume and hoping it strikes someone's fancy. 

When I started this blog I said that I would make it the light hearted version of my life and maybe that is part of the reason I havent posted as often as i should. Things have been pretty difficult these last few months, sometimes it really does feel like you vs. the world. Disappointment has definitely been part of my stay here, but I can hardly complain, my life is good "on paper."

Just yesteday I made a "rookie" mistake. I have been dying to see my old college friends, its not often in these two years that I have gotten to hang out with them despite their close-ish proximity. Its really tough because I always feel like I should be the one driving to Dallas since they live relatively close to eachother. Anyways, I orchestrated a dinner last night in an attemp to reconnect, something I like to do with my new found time. 

This would be the first time in almost a year that I would see Mr. FHK or as my friend would call him "the love of my youth." In a year and I half I have spent 0 time working to get over him, mostly I create what-if situations to make things right again and bring us back together. Just like a girl I have failed to realize that in this past year and a half we have been broken up he has not attempted to call or meet me, it has all been me. 

Everything is like it should be, we are having a great time making up ridiculous stories and just being fun. At the end of the night it was just me and him and I knew then that it would never be that way again, he was in love with someone else. I cant be angry or hurt or anything, I just need to accept it. These next few weeks will probably be the hardest I have ever had to face alone and truly alone without the fantasy of a future with him that doesnt exist. 

So today is day 1 of the eyes open single life of me *wearing her broken heart on her sleeve. 

(I promise this is the last downer post...i hate them too)