the mid-20s question

so as a mid-to-late 20s single girl, you have to wonder "where the hell are all the good guys?" so as i woman naturally i instantly think that men are lacking, i mean its certainly not us...we are just picky. my friend recently told me she overheard a guy talking to his friend, in his opinion unmarried women over the age of 30 must have something wrong with them. so as you can see the debate continues, but i have to wonder who is right?

many people will probably respond that is situation dependent, i mean there are crazy guys and there are crazy girls out there too. so here is my little insight that i just happened upon. 

as women age they become independent. they spend more and more time alone and start to realize that really there isnt anything wrong with that. i think by nature men are far more likely to be "loners" then women, i mean lets be serious we wont even go to the bathroom alone. so as they spend more and more of their single lives alone, they actually begin to like it. you make your own schedule, spend your time as you see fit and things are planned and ruley the way we generally like them.

so when a new guy comes around who is maybe less-than-perfect, we have to wager: giving this independance and assured lifestyle for a different one. i dont think that necessarily makes us less prone to do it, in fact i think we are aching for the companionship...however as the time wears on and the novelty wears off (*remove rose colored glasses) you think is this better than being alone?

sometimes it is...sometimes it isnt. but what isnt there that was there in your early twenties is the assurance that if you throw this one back into the sea, you ARE going to be ok alone, in fact youve done it before and you kinda liked it. settling isnt an option, leave that for your later 30s ;)

this is just a thought feel free to respond...introspection is very interesting

its never what you think it is...

mr fhk and i had close friends who were dating and one in particular comes to mind. this couple, kali and tyson had dated for probably 10 years. they had broken up before and gotten back together broken up again and gotten back together and such is the cycle. intermittently they have dated other people and what not. i recently had lunch with tyson and we were taking about what it takes to get over these people.

i always assumed that those two had managed to stay the best of friends and it boggled my mind. i mean even recently their dogs had mated and had puppies surely telling that one day the same would happen for them. its strange when you look at things on the outside, you just assume you know what is going on. 

tyson let me know that there was no longer any hope of that happening again, in fact, they dont even speak anymore. WOW! i never suspected this...it is over finally over. he was talking about deleting her on myspace and facebook. the dreaded delete! he says he hasnt mainly because he doesnt want their connceted friends to hate him for it.

its weird how you think other peoples relationships are so much simpler than they really are...sometimes you wish you could do whatever procedure they did in eternal sunshine in the spotless mind...would it be worth it to remember none of it (good and bad) and leave you in a virtual time warp?

all i know is he told me that mr fhk's family doesnt like the new divorcee girlfriend, its sick but i get pleasure out of that...to know that some part of me will always remain in their memories. mr fhk's sister even uttered "shes no gaby" does that make it wose or better? not really sure all i know is that i need to let this go and get where tyson post-haste...it took him 6 years of stop and starts to realize this...i dont have that but that doesnt mean its not possible.

the new me.

ran three days in a row

yesterdays alcohol units: a bazillllion 

ugh

my car sucks.

self-explanatory i think, but aleast it always abandons me in the most convenient locations so i cant be too mad at it.

it still sucks.

running

so i have decided that i dont want to be slightly overweight anymore which requires more action than i would prob like. so i have started a walking/running regime. 

its painful.

i dont like not being good at things and i am not good at this...so that is tough. i saw my friend the other day and she has been walking (not running) once a day she looks awesome prob has lost 50 lbs. i dont want to loose 50 lbs, i just want to be fit.

so here it goes consistent running/walking day 1. 

one and a half miles

alcohol units: 0

(lets see how long this lasts)

bad date 1-the adventure of mr. wang

So I went on my first real date since Mr. FHK and by real date I do NOT mean drunken hook-up that happens at the gingerman. This is like a legitimate ask and accept type of deal. (I know I am shocked too!) From now on he will be referred to as Mr. Wang and the reasons will seem abundantly clear in about two seconds.  

The plan was to meet at a bar in the middle of Fort Worth and Dallas, so he picked a place called sherlocks in Arlington. We were jsut hanging out he was def cute and def my type (despite the fact that he didnt have curly hair or a rustic beard ;)). He was really sweet and super interested in my life which is how I feel you can tell the caliber of a person. If someone is just talking talking talking about themselves then its over before it started. 

He is super successful where he works and within the first 20 mins he had already asked me about marriage and kids and if i wanted to go to europe with him. Despite being totally freaked out I figured whats wrong with a guy thats on a time table? I mean isnt this what every girl wants a guy that has it together and has a plan? Well here he was right in front of me cute and single, so whats his deal?

We decide to go to FW to meet one of my friends out who wants to grab a drink, well by the time we get there she is fast asleep so its just the two of us and we keep talking etc. He is getting pretty schnockered so I am a little worried, but he is still the perfect gentleman, opening doors etc. 

At the end of the night, hes asks to come over to hang out for a bit. At this point I dont really think its a good idea, not because I think hes a predator but because I am super tired and my parents are coming the next day. I say yes because I knwo hes harmless and to be honest I think he coudl prob use the time to sober up (plus making out is super cool).

Well things are going well and the make out is cool and then he looks over and says "so you want to see it?" I was like what the! So i ask "are you asking me if i want to see your wang?" He seems rather distrubed that I would call it a wang, but I mean come on you just offfered to show it to me. He then proceeds to go on about its various merits and he even attempts to give me a few references to confirm its "greatness." Luckily for me that day I had my moral fiber in tact and really didnt want to see it despite my new curiosity. I tell him that I cant wait to tell all my gfs about it cuz its pretty much like a sex and the city episode. This seems to offend him so he proceeds to rant about how he is Aidan, not "that guy" from Sex and the city. He keeps telling me he will make me furniture and he has a dog like Aidan, I mean I am laughing so hard its lucky I didnt pee myself.

Lets just say i am curious about this guy and if this is mr. wangs ploy well its a pretty good one. Here I am blogging about it and telling all my gf about it. Everyone is telling me to stay away from him and some people are encouraging me to see him again...what would carrie do? if hes aidan I am all over him, but aidan with flasher tendencies not too sure.

eye opener

It has been awhile since my last post. I guess in that time I have graduated with my masters and am in the process of "job hunting" its more like papering several cities with my mediocre resume and hoping it strikes someone's fancy. 

When I started this blog I said that I would make it the light hearted version of my life and maybe that is part of the reason I havent posted as often as i should. Things have been pretty difficult these last few months, sometimes it really does feel like you vs. the world. Disappointment has definitely been part of my stay here, but I can hardly complain, my life is good "on paper."

Just yesteday I made a "rookie" mistake. I have been dying to see my old college friends, its not often in these two years that I have gotten to hang out with them despite their close-ish proximity. Its really tough because I always feel like I should be the one driving to Dallas since they live relatively close to eachother. Anyways, I orchestrated a dinner last night in an attemp to reconnect, something I like to do with my new found time. 

This would be the first time in almost a year that I would see Mr. FHK or as my friend would call him "the love of my youth." In a year and I half I have spent 0 time working to get over him, mostly I create what-if situations to make things right again and bring us back together. Just like a girl I have failed to realize that in this past year and a half we have been broken up he has not attempted to call or meet me, it has all been me. 

Everything is like it should be, we are having a great time making up ridiculous stories and just being fun. At the end of the night it was just me and him and I knew then that it would never be that way again, he was in love with someone else. I cant be angry or hurt or anything, I just need to accept it. These next few weeks will probably be the hardest I have ever had to face alone and truly alone without the fantasy of a future with him that doesnt exist. 

So today is day 1 of the eyes open single life of me *wearing her broken heart on her sleeve. 

(I promise this is the last downer post...i hate them too)