27?

omg i am going to be 27 in a week wow! i remember when i met a 27yo i was 22 and he use to remark on how cool it was to hang out with young 22/23yos...man those were the days.

we use to get in so much trouble. movies during lunch, margaritas at lunch, emily morgan hotel grey goose martinis :) man oh man 

i miss him...now ill be 27 where are all those 23 yo fools to get me in trouble? oh thats right i get in enough trouble on my own, i suppose that is something that will never change

what to do

i had another dream about him. 

this is weird because the dreams are so close to reality.

its like i know all the things that are true in real life, hes moved on, he has a gf (shes often present-super creepy i know) but for some reason i cant let go.

between that and the rustling in the dog kennels on the other side of the bathroom door i am exhausted and like a zombie.

maybe its because he hasnt returned my calls, maybe its because its too real, maybe its because the fight is over.

maybe its because its the end...

yes i am a cat person

i am dog sitting. what i have discovered so far about the other most popular domestic animal:

dogs are needy.

they follow you everywhere.

they constantly want to be petted.

they have wet beards after they drink water.

they lick your feet-this is not appealing.

i am a cat person. i love that my cat:

comes for attention minimally cuz he has to bathe after i pet him.

can think on his own and has a strict schedule instead of relying on me.

will settle for sitting near you he doesnt have to be petted.

his beard is never wet.

hes impeccably groomed.

doesnt require me to come home to allow him to defecate or urinate.

doesnt make awful growling noises when playing.

there is no nasty panting breath.

he doesnt poo on the floor.

so after one day of pet sitting i can see the disdain with which my cat looks at dogs. one pooped in the corner. i looked at him only to see him look at me with the "wtf you let those animals in here" he constantly watches them playing like they are some sort of barbarians esp if they are making those fake growling noises. at one point one dog approached him, instead of putting up a fuss he just lifted one paw as a warning and used his mind control to deter them. 

he doesnt hide or climb high on anything he just looks at them square in the eye like "i fucking dare you" i think he has a hard time deciding if they are dogs. he knows they arent cats, like i said the barbaric behavior. the only dog he knows is a 70 lbs weimaraners and these arent weimaraners.

it should be an interesting week, but i already know im not in anyway ready for a dog (way tooooo selfish) i like my cat just fine :)

there is also an epic staring contest going on....

fml???

what a day its been! 

first let me say that in general if something unfortunate is going to happen, it will likely happen to me. i have numerous examples of this and they can be provided upon request. the latest blunder involves my thesis. 

to begin with lets just say i got started a little later than most as far as topic picking and proposal defending, but anyone who knows me knows that i pride my self on last minute triumps. despite the ridiculous amounts of stress i put myself under, i usually do ok. 

the beginning of feburary i finally get my dataset in after successfully defending my proposal to a less-than enthusiastic committee. (heres an example of my bad luck: the day of my defense I get there early and mj--my committee chair--gives me her key to open the conference room door, where ill be giving my presentation. when i go to open it the lock wont turn. feeling like an idiot i sheepishly stand waiting for someone else to come along. lets just say 5 different ppl try their "master" keys to no avail. finally the maintenance guy proclaims that in all his yrs here he has never seen anything like this. they are going to have to call a locksmith....finally through some act of god, after i promise him my soul and anything else he wants, the door magically opens. i started 30 mins late because of it but oh well)

so after getting my dataset im super excited about starting. i start but the variables wont import--my sas knowledge isnt fab but i know enough to get variables in. well turns out its a prob with the dataset. of all the fing cd's i get the one thats fucked up. it takes them forever to get back to me and now i discovered even more problems. they said they can have the corrected version ready in two weeks. in two weeks i was planning to have the whole thing written and defended. so now i will have 2 days for analysis and 10 days to write the thing then get a draft to my committee. they will have 3 days to get it back to me and i have 2 days to make the corrections and create the presentation that will decide if i graduate or not. 

FML.

if you dont know what that means i divert you here : fmylife.com (this is my moms new favorite site)

the rules

so a wonderful friend found a book entitled "the rules."  if you havent heard of it (then you are probably married happily or dont need tips on your game) anyways its basically a set of rules for girls to follow in order to snare a man and keep him devoted. 

i know i know before you start burning your bra and telling yourself that you are liberating (which is puro mamadas-as my dad would say) just remember who we still expect to be saved first from a burning building or a sinking ship...thats right if you dont say women and children then you are a chauvinist who is likely going to be beaten to death with handbags or set aflame by one of those burning bras.

anyways i digress, back to the  purpose of this blog. my fabulous friend and i decided to grab a quick nightcap after watching confessions of a shopaholic since my copy of the rules had just arrived we decided to bring it into the bar with us. you can tell our game needs work if on  a friday night you and your gf are bringing a book into a bar (atleast it wasnt from the library--rented books in bars are way worse than ones you own or in this case were gifted).

again i digress....as we approached we noticed that everything was pretty full. there happened to be the open loveseat in the back of gman (our fave spot) so we kindly as the individuals sitting on the couch if they would mind if we sat there. there were 3 girls and one guy sitting around and on the other couch. they agree and so we sat down and started talking when all of a sudden you hear in a shout

"IS THAT THE RULES?" no bitch its the bible...yes its the rules obviously you can fucking read the cover to a book. she then says "that shit doesnt work" why thank you hoochie for your unsolicited opinion and by by nice ridiculous hat you are wearing. of course i was in a sweatshirt but i feel free to judge everyone around me at all times. someone bestowed with gods grace such as myself is entitled to this of course.

my fab friend kindly says yes and this woman begins a tirade about how stupid that shit is you wont get a man like that (of course she was married but her left ring finger was sans a wedding band)--i took her word, maybe in her bitchy abrasive hat wearing culture they show they are married by just being a heinous bitch not the traditional left ring finger trick the rest of us pull.

anyways she continues to verbally berate our choice in literature when her obviously very older and severely intoxicated friend saunters over to or love-seat is and asks "can i sit here?" of course i interpret that as the chair beside the love-seat certainly she couldn't be asking to sit next to me on the other side. 

she commences to sit down and as she does the faux leather couch lets out that squeal it does when flesh is sliding against it. to me, the individuals on the receiving end of a rather large ass on her thigh, the sound is blood-curdling. needless to say my fab friend was kind enough to promptly remove herself to the chair so as to cease my contact with her ass. her opening line "so where do you go to school" followed by "whats your major" "where you from"

i wanted to look over to her friend and say "FUCK YOU THE RULES DO WORK" but unfortunately as i am not a lesbian nor am i exploring my sexuality in that way i feel as though perhaps that would not be appropriate. just know that if your a bar with the rules you could get sat on by a lesbian....

cultist?

so i decided today to take a good friends advice and start doing some stuff for myself, harness my chi if you will. after talking with lady K (who is the most knowledgeable person I know about whats out there on the internet) who pointed me in the direction of podcast yoga. its free! so i downloaded the beginner addition just to see what it was all about.

baby a gave me a yoga mat about 6 months ago so i even have the supplies. i pull it out and begin the session. hes talking about peaceful thoughts, etc, yadda yadda i am like can we get to the poses alredy?!?! perhaps i am a little high strung and need more yoga in my life...who knows. i look up and see my cat looking at me like im the strangest shit hes ever seen. 

his inner monologue: "wtf...that pink mat has been sitting under that table for over 6 months now this B wants to take up all the living room space flaunting her big ass...seriously i liked it where it was, it was fun to play with those strings. now i gotta watch your ass nearly fall over on me all while i attempt to throw off your concentration. damn this game is more fun than watching you walk around and pick up the ball you throw for me to play with. look B i know its you who is throwing that ball with the bell in it....i can SEE you (this is totally not the same kind of seeing you do when i am hiding behind a shoe or around a corner in an attempt to sneak up on said ball--totally different) i think ill change your sleep number tonight in an attempt to get even"

needless to say i felt completely out of place..at one point he says "check your ego at the door...do only what you can do" yes stretch armstrong i cant put my leg over my neck...but one day i will...

oh the night

baby a and i went to the movies tonight in arlington, first of all they dont have student discounts only on thursday so the movie was $10, ridic! this is arlington not NYC!

anyways on our way in apparently there is an ice rink there and these hot dudes (ok i dont know if they are really hot they were wearing hockey masks but still we'll just say hot) were playing hockey. baby a and i of course stop to ogle them in the most dignified fashion, while concurrently a couple of probably about  17 years old were walking in at the same time. well i guess this girl was so dignified in her ogling....all we heard was a loud noise. we turn to look and she had walked right into a standing sign!!! it was absurd, it knocked the glasses right off her face. 

of course you know me i have no volume control or self-control for that matter and am just laughing my ass off. to add insult to injury we had to share an elevator with them up to the movie ground level. the whole time in the elevator i just cant control my laughing i am literally crying. baby a is pretending she doesnt know me and at this point im trying to not suffocate myself. then i hear the boyfriend ask her (we'll call her hoops cuz she had a fab pair of huge gold ones on) "what were you looking at?" she looks sheepish and answers "my bangs" simultaneously baby a blurts out "the hockey players"....needless to say they both looked at us and at that point both baby a and my still-uncontrollably-laughing-ass exit the elevator. what a night!

p.s. when i left my apt there was a wasp trapped btw the screen and the glass of one of my windows. when i got back from the movie he was gone....i sure hope i dont encounter him like i did that tack! yozaw!

comfortable

i cant stop listening to this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YX5ZAF21IDc

i am a bit of an emotional cutter, "i see the smile thats shes faking in pictures nobodys taking...shes perfect shes so flawless im not impressed...i want you back"

sickening.

john mayer i hope a bird poops on you and that he had cheese fries before he decided to fly.

dirty runny bird poo seems appropriate punishment

FUPA too good!

so an amazing friend has found this perfect little link:

http://fupahunter.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2007-06-18T12%3A42%3A00-07%3A00

its rather obscene and amazing! why are the majority of them hispanic...super scary for me!

sanity II

i forgot to mention that my first attempt to put the poster board up was with thumb tacks. i lost one. it found me this morning...not very happy about that

:(

p.s. a woman in my department finished her neuroscience PhD after a little over 5 years, i have never been more happy that that's not me :)

sanity

so i bought 2 blue poster boards to nail over that half circle on top of the window in my bedroom. i already had a blanket up there but it fell down this past fall and of course i never got around to putting something else up. to describe why i go through all this trouble would probably take to long, but let me just observe that my very sanity is on the line here...i cant sleep past 6am!!! atleast not well so here was my chance to finally fight the sun (yes i imagine him just like the raisin bran sun--marketing works very well on me)

nof course when im on the step stool i realize that i actually need like 2 and one fourth poster boards to do this properly. well its a good thing im mexican and as my dad would say i made a "mexican connection." this is essentially what he says when he tries to justify doing somethign outrageosuly ghetto and maybe even illegal.

anyway i nailed them up and then cut the spare parts to be taped in the appropriate places as to cover the whole window. now i will get to sleep peacefully but this almost assures that i will be sleeping alone! lol who wants to nap/spend the night in the ghetto bedroom...oh well! 

sanity returned-->mexican connections do work :)

women!!!

first of all i should start by saying that i feel like alot of my posts will be titled this...my family was in town this weekend as you may know. so that means there were 5 girls here at my apt. that means ALOT of toilet paper was used. I mean I had a new pack and now its ALLLLLLLLL gone! 

everyone marvels at how my parents were able to send 5 girls to private school the real marvel is how the hell they kept toilet paper in the house and food on the table!!!

random note: i hate when ppl who ARENT disabled use the damn motorized shopping carts! i remember one time we were at target and apparently one of those ppl in the scooters were backing up. of course I had no idea what the hell was going on all i knew was that there was aloud beeping noise that was bothering the hell out of me. so i exclaimed "can someone shut the thing up" i look to my left and there was the oldest woman imaginable in one of those damn scooters backing up. you'd think she was driving a crane or something with the noise that thing emitted. this is one of the only times i think my mother has ever been TRULY embarrassing of me...she looked at me like i was an alien and dropped the toothpaste she was looking at and scurried to the next aisle. thats right kids mary rolled on me right there in the middle of target....and that is another reason i hate motorized shopping carts

FUPA

so i am from san antonio. if you are from anywhere in south texas you likely know what a fupa is, however i have friend lady fab who is not from texas. so one day day when we were out i dropped the term fupa in her ear as a larger woman happened by. something along the lines of "man look at the fupa!!!" being from california she promplty asked "what the h is a fupa?"

fupa=fat upper pee area also fondly referred to in my family as a "front butt" its very sad indeed...along with loosing my teeth and hair getting a fupa comes in a close second...
YIKES! if the fupa starts developing please tie me in your basement without food until it subsides...

phone drama lama

ok so if you know me you know that sometimes i dont answer my phone. sometimes its on purpose sometimes its not, i like to keep ppl guessing. no no the truth is that i hate talking on the phone. well much to my dismay now i dont even have the option to answer my phone. the vibration has suddenly stopped working! i mean really i never put the actual ringer on but you got to take the most discrete ring you got? i havent used an actual ringtone in probably 2 years, mostly because when my old phone would ring with the "we're going streaking" ringer i use to have...clare would always scream "get new ringers!" now im terrified that some stranger will scream that at me.....

my only recourse now is to check my phone every few hrs to see if i have any msgs and wait for the "you have absolutely no messages or phone calls" message to appear. good thing i always have dr.crazy who calls me atleast once a day she keeps that sad msg from showing up.

anyway i also have a small confession to make...mr.w i still watch netflex "the office" epidsodes :) thanks for being awesome like that...

sad truth

my family was in town this weekend. i went out with my sisters it was awesome. we were talking to this guy that i have known probably for about 6 months hes super cute and fun and just a general nice guy. he walks away to talk to his friends for a bit when my sisters turn to me and say "you need to hit that." 

nice...they then continue to go on and on about how is it that i know the only hot guy in the bar but am not doing anything about it. lol. they go on to tell me that they thought when i said i had no game that it was a joke but obviously not. lol. 

what can i say i dont lie, i am game-less! oh well...clare was like man i always thought it was crazy that you have so many guy friends and none of them every tried anything. (by the way thanks for saying that outloud) lol...no its totally true. i have guy friends, yes guy friends that dont want to sleep with me. i love it when my friends say that a guy is their "friend." at which point i have to point out that they are not their friend, they are looking at them like tom use to look at jerry...you know what i mean.

a little bit later dee turns to me and asks "so is there anyone you like?" It took me a minute to really think about it, is there someone that i like? yea i think there is, but it would never work out. he is the last thing i need, a fixer-up. i answered "no" the last thing i need is to explain how i the only person i want to date is the last person i should or even could date.

i know you all have your fair guesses as to who it is, but i will leave you with that mystery