vote

lets put this to a vote...

downtown fort worth the flying saucer if you are on the patio outside there is a man that manages the parking lot down below pls vote do you think one of these two things explains his limp and overall burly demeanor:

1. he has a fake leg

2. he has uneven leg length and therefore has to wear a lifted shoe

personally i think its 1, he probably use to set bear traps for a living and one day his leg got caught. he probably lived in alaska or some-such location and moved down here because its easier to move around on asphalt and grass with a fake leg rather than the snow...think about it, it all makes perfect sense...

family curse

so in my mind my family has this strange "curse"...its hard to describe maybe it stems from my parents teaching us that the key to happiness is keeping other people happy and that is BULLSHIT! this is actually the key to frustration and certain failure :) thank goodness i figured this out at 26 otherwise it could have been a rough life...well kinda figured it out im still trying to master "no"

so heres the "curse": if you date a member of my family for longer than 5 years your relationship is doomed.

1. oldest sister dates a guy for 5 years...breaks up...goes to law school...happily married to the next guy she dates

2. older sister dates a guy for 6 years...moves for him...engaged...broken up...happily married to the next guy she dates

3. me...dates a guy for 7 years...moves for him...breaks up...still single (well maybe mines coming)

4. my younger sister...dates a guy for 5 years...kinda moves in with him...engaged....broken up...happy with the next one? (this ones kinda new we will have to see)

5. well the youngest just breaks the mold :)

maybe its not a curse, maybe its a pattern of girls whos greatest love example was their parents who were not ever really in love. we watched our mom read romance novels to fill the void and when ask about her dating history gets a diversion. we all get there somehow, it shouldnt really be called a "curse"b/c so far everyone has ended up with their true love happier than ever.

it aint a curse its my over -active imagination...well good thing i have the hubcap to fall back on :)

i am blogging like crazy...

errant thought pantsless in living room feels like heaven...is this what my cat feels like all the time?

no wonder he is so relaxed!

hubcap exchange

so for those of you that dont know i only have 3 hubcaps...it appears that in my rush to get somewhere, god knows where, i lost one.

so everytime i say a stray i stop to see if somehow the world has aligned and some in-a-rush fool with my same hubcap has happened to lose his. this makes for some entertainment for passersby. i pull over, stop my car, get out, check the hubcap, make a "shucks" gesture more like "oh shit" get back in the car and take my ass down the road. this has been going on for about 6 months.

so my new idea is to take the ford, kia, whatever hubcap and post it on craiglist. maybe in some crazy way a blogger with a toyota hubcap is thinking of doing the same. we will meet exchange hubcaps, fall in love, make babies, retire and travel to europe where we will eat cheese and drink wine till we finally kick it....

i think im on to something here

went to church today, mainly to tell my mom that yes i did go to church.

the truth is i havent been in confession since well lets just say 8th grade, the last time it was required by the school i attended. i am frightened now that if i go the priest will shame me and then make me say prayers for the next 3 yrs or perhaps build a soup kitchen with my barehands...why are catholics so good at fear.

for what its worth i was kind enough to allow a woman with a child who appears to be suffering from restless leg syndrome sit next to me. this means that i got kick in the shin twice and stared at through pretty much the whole mass...i mean dont get me wrong i know better than anyone that ppl at church ARE judging you but really you got to start them before they can multiply? really give me and my asymmetrical haircut a break...

so now im announcing to the world that i am catholic, so i drink too much and judge and gossip like your grandma, its official, its on my forehead...

tommys

so tommy's is a hamburger "joint" down where i live, apparently they serve up greasy burgers, amazing tater tots, free drinks to students and love life advice.

dont get me wrong I certianly appreciate the fact that an almost 50yo waitress would take the time to counsel me and my girlfriends on how to get a guy and keep a guy. i mean she did after all recognize that she needed to dump the guy that forcibly made her flash her boobs at mardi gras and realized that the guy shes with now has changed and wont cheat on her like he did his ex-wife. 

but as my friend told me oracles come in the strangest places...this is strange enough for me to believe that statment..so this afternoon's tasty advice

-some girls like bad boys, you cant change that...

so lady K 

here is your bad bad boy, spank him pls

observations

so i figure that alot of ppl blog. 

i dont know how to do it precisely but i imagine it cant be that hard so here it goes.

my first blog....

so ive learned something remarkable this year and to be honest i feel like its gold to realize this. there are alot of ppl in their mid-20s with no dating experience. i am of course amongst them, but more importantly im not alone. so as it seems t

hrough break-ups, death, divorce or whatever the reason is there are a whole group of "adults" that are less experienced than your average high schooler on how to act around ppl of the opposite sex.

this makes for great bar observation as myself, my girlfriends, and random others judge everyone based solely on there looks as to whether or not they could potentially fill the next 50-60 yrs of our lives with joy...very scientific and mathe

mat

ical process you see and as a scientist i totally advocate it.

their designer jeans tell you that certainly they could support you financially for that long and that they are able to dress themselves speaks highly for the mental state. the wedding band oh the wedding band sometimes you are hard to see--i think married men should wear a bag over their head much easier to pick out and makes for a less awkward-yoga like stance trying to sneak a peek at the right angle to see if it exists. their friends they are laughing with indicates they must have some sort of personality and then of course i

n my opinion the most important criteria...what they are drin

king...

as a certified alcoholic you must know that i judge everyone on what they are drinking, wine, fruity, on the rocks, coors light (yuck) its just what i do...and the dreaded "non-drinker" or as i affectionately refer to them...the historian. yes yes yes i know you didnt drink last night and i certainly was hoping to have your recount all the ridic things i said and did with the picture slideshow via your digital camera, how to say this politely "screw you" perhaps "f-off" is more suited...either way if your the historian your immediately out, noone likes the historian unless you ARE the historian.

well with all these great judgey tid-bits i know you are all shocked to hear im still single! well fab so this is my life presented via blog...

so without further adieu i introduce my blog...or should i say the great misadventures of my life in pursuit of love, success, a new friend for my cat...all presented via the fabulous internet 

and now i must jet to fight my cat off from drinking from my water glass...bastard